CHAOS
2005
* and 3(CP)
Bullshit
remake of Last House on the Left. How dare they try to remake such an
original idea as Last House on the Left...wait a minute, Last House is a remake
of what? With the late Sage Stallone.
BURIAL GROUND: THE NIGHTS OF TERROR
1981
** ½ and 5(CP)
Italian
oatmeal-faced zombie film. Vacationing tourists stay at a castle and are
mowed down after the monks buried on the grounds begin to rise. Many
smashed melon head zombies. Jesus, this movie contains almost no plot
whatsoever. The dead attack and it’s go from then on. And these zombies
seem to be somewhat smart as they fool the maid into getting her head loped
off. Probably contains more zombie killings and smashings than Zombie and Doctor
Butcher combined. They don’t shy away from killing as many zombies as
they can fit on the screen, all with head caving glee. Famous for the scene
involving the zombie of a kid, with an serious Oedipus complex, returning to
life only to tear away his mothers nipple while nursing. Yeeooww!
Made in the same format as created by it’s precursors Zombie and The
Beyond. Gorefest. Fulci does it
again, even though he had absolutely to nothing to do it.
BLOODY MOON
1981
* and 4(CP)
Jess
Franco slasher film that is short on story but long on pubic hair. Killer
stalks girl school coeds at the local language academy. You can tell that
Franco has no flare for this type of material. It's handled as dry and
uninteresting as possible and contains the biggest and also lamest red herring
in the history of film. As much as he tries to make you believe this guy
is the culprit, Franco might as well hung a sign on the guy saying "NOT
THE KILLER." Does contain a nice decapitation via a very large lumber
saw. Franco learned his lesson and quickly went back to writhing naked
lady films. A video nasty.
C.H.U.D. 2: BUD THE CHUD
1989
½ and 4(CP)
Instead
of making a direct sequel to the original film, we get something from way left
field. Instead of the C.H.U.D.’s being goblin like creatures, they are
zombies with sharp teeth. No real blood is spilled and it’s a “horror/comedy.”
Extremely hard to get right and they fail miserably. Looking to replace their high school science class cadaver, teens break into an army lab only to release ahem...Bud the
Chud played by Gerrit Graham. He walks around like a zombie biting people
saying “Meat!” a whole bunch. Don’t really need to go much further than
to say the Halloween dance gets crashed by zombie Chud people. Only way
to kill them: Freeze them and then electrocute them. That’s a new one,
and rather complicated. Poor site gags pass as comedy. The Chud’s
walk in unison in one scene and say “Eat ‘em up eat’em up Yum! Yum!”
Pretty damn dumb stuff.
BUG
1975
** ½ and 4(CP)
After
a large earthquake, bugs pour from a huge crack in the earth. The bugs are everywhere. The bugs can
start fires. The bugs learn how to spell? Its a pretty crazy little 70's
thing that stops being just your regular killer bug movie and turns into
something else entirely. You should check it out if you are a completest for
horror films. There's enough creepy shots of the bugs and people with their
heads on fire to keep the action going in this picture. Basically I’m a sucker for any movie starring
Bradford Dillman.
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CELLAR DWELLER
1988
* ½ and 3(CP)
Crap
from the defunct Empire pictures. Jeffery Combs plays a cartoonist, in
the 50's, that comes up with a demon type character named the Cellar
Dweller. The cartoon comes to life and pulls a serious Frankenstein
situation killing Combs (in turn killing my interest in the film). Years
later a group of art students move into the house and low and behold one of
them starts to sketch the same drawings. Pretty goofy movie with some
decent effects even if it is just a giant Ghoulie. John Buechler directed
this thing and shows his lack of vision in every scene. The movie putters
around until it spirals to an unsatisfactory close. Jeff Combs must have
a lot of debts to pay to Charles Band.
